Rest In Peace
by RosalindHawkins
Summary: Guilt and grief drive Tails a little too close to the edge. {Post-Canon, Tails x Cosmo, Flash-Fic, One-Shot. Sonic x Tails if you squint. Rated T for suicidal themes.}


**A/N: Tailsmo post-canon flash-fic, since I love this ship to pieces and at least one person wants me to write Sonic fanfics. If you want me to write more Sonic fanfics, let me know in a review. I'll probably do one about Shadow next.**

* * *

The small yellow fox curled both of his tails more tightly around himself as if trying to form a protective cocoon of once-silky fur. Now, it was matted and dirty from being unwashed for a week. Ears that had once stood erect as he paid astute attention to his surroundings now lay flattened against his head as he tried to block the outside world from his senses. Kind aqua eyes that had often scrutinized tiny mechanisms through magnifying lenses were now closed, bathing his world in darkness. Darkness was all that he wanted now. Darkness was all that _she_ had now, so it was all that he wanted for himself.

Succumbing to his primitive instincts, Tails had burrowed a hole for himself in the side of a sloped hill in the woods, burying himself in loamy soil crawling with moss. The small seed that _she_ had left behind was planted just outside his warren so that he could keep an eye on it. It was receiving sunlight and water and if any creature came to close, Tails shooed it away. It was the only thing he had left of _her_ , and he was ready to give his life protecting her only offspring.

He hadn't seen or spoken with his friends in days. They didn't know where he'd gone, but Tails doubted that they noticed his absence. How many times in the past had he been absent, missing, delayed, or lost and they hadn't realized that he was gone? How many times had he been left behind due to their inattention for him? No, he didn't want to be around them right now. He didn't want to be with people who didn't care about him, or people who were too happy to see his pain. In this hole, Tails wallowed in his grief in total solitude, free of distractions.

 _She_ was dead, and he had killed _her_.

He'd killed the one he loved.

 _She_ was dead because of him.

It was his fault.

He'd never see _her_ again.

Tails couldn't think _her_ name without weeping; couldn't remember _her_ voice without feeling the walls closing in around him and squeezing the air from his lungs; couldn't picture _her_ sweet face without wanting to his claws into his skin and scratch himself to distract from the overwhelming heartache that burned in his chest and boiled in his throat and made him want to scream.

Nothing mattered to him anymore, not his friends, not even his own life. The only thing that mattered to him was ensuring that _her_ seed grew safely. That tiny little seed was the only reason Tails was still alive. It was a tiny piece of _her_ , and that was better than nothing at all.

If Sonic hadn't saved that little seed, if Tails didn't have it, he would have given up by now.

Tails didn't want to live in a world without Cosmo, and Cosmo's seed was the only thing.

If _her_ child died, if Tails failed in his mission to protect that precious life, then he would die too. Tails had nothing left.

The hours dragged out into days, and Tails lost almost all sense of time. He hadn't eaten a morsel since Cosmo's death, and he became weak from hunger and undernourishment, though he'd ceased feeling hungry days ago. He drank rain when it soaked through the soil and puddled in the floor of his den, forsaking his intelligence and advanced abilities for this simple, selfish life.

He spent almost two weeks like this before he was found.

Tails was partially protruding from his hole in the ground as he shooed away a squirrel looking for nuts when a blue blur streaked towards him. Before he even knew what was happening, his best friend was standing before him, eyes wide with shock.

"Tails." Sonic was both relieved and surprised, but Tails didn't seem to care. Before Sonic had even finished saying his name, the fox had turned and was scurrying back into his den, moving on all fours since the ceiling was low.

"Tails, wait!" Sonic followed him into the black hole without a second's thought. He crawled in until his hand landed on fur and Tails let out a small cry. The blue hedgehog could hear the sounds of the fox scrabbling against the dirt to pull himself as far away from Sonic as he could get. "We've been looking for you. We were worried." When his words were met with silence, he began to feel uncomfortable. He wasn't one for words, but if Tails wouldn't talk to him, and if Sonic wanted to draw him out of hiding, then he would have to say _something_.

"Cream is upset that you're gone," he began, a little awkwardly. "She feared you might have gotten hurt."

Tails kept silent, and Sonic started to blindly search for his friend's hand.

"Why didn't you tell us that you were leaving?" he implored. Tails made a small sound in the back of his throat, but it was enough to tell Sonic where he was. He reached up and felt dirty fur under his fingers. Tails tried to pull away, but this warren was built for one person, not two, so there wasn't enough room for him to escape without making more contact with the hedgehog.

"Come on, buddy. Say something." Sonic slowly moved his hand from the top of Tails' head to just behind his left ear, caressing a small spot that never failed to please him.

Tails' resolve broke. He whimpered, and once the sound was out, it didn't stop. He started to cry. Tails went limp as Sonic pulled him into his arms and held him close, a quiet, reassuring witness to the fox's grief. After twenty minutes of weeping, Tails tried to speak. The sound he made was a weak rasp, his voice lost from going unused for so long. He tried to clear his throat and began to speak, his words still faint and hoarse.

"I miss her, Sonic." More tears wet Tails' cheeks, mingling with the dust and dried salt that stained that white fur. "I could have saved her, but I didn't, so it's all my fault." He choked on a rough sob, his thin, bony body shaking as he started to cough. Sonic's hand was firm and gentle as he pat Tails on the back until his breathing was easier. "Knuckles was right. I should have figured out how to remove the tracking signal from her brain without hurting her."

"You're not a doctor, Tails," Sonic reminded him quietly.

"But I _should_ be!" Tails smacked his fists weakly against his friend much as he had when Cosmo had died. "If I could have removed it from her brain, even if I did have to … to…" Another sob racked his body. "I would rather she be alive, even if she's deaf and blind. I'd _give_ anything, _do_ anything, just to keep her here with me, in whatever condition I can have her." Tails returned to his wordless tears, crying in Sonic's arms until he'd exhausted himself-which didn't take very long. When you stopped eating and exercising, you tended to have little energy left.

"Come on, let's get you back home." Sonic found Tails' hand in the darkness and clasped it, but Tails tried to pull away from him.

"No. No, I can't go back! I can't leave her…"

"Huh?" Sonic looked at him askance.

"Her seed… It just sprouted a few days ago…" Tails sniffed, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. "I promised to protect her, so I can't leave."

"Hold on, buddy, I'll take care of that." Sonic rolled down the short tunnel and popped out into the fresh air. As fast as he could, he dashed back to the small almost-village their crew had made for themselves, skidding to a stop at Amy's house and "borrowing" a flowerpot from her window sill. He emptied its contents, ran back to the woods, scooped the sprout with the surrounding soil into the pot, and safely delivered it to Vanilla's house. The whole process took less than thirty seconds, and when he returned to Tails, the fox had wrapped himself in his own tails once more, curling into a small yellow ball of misery and dirty fur.

"Oh no you don't." Sonic took Tails by the hand and started to pull him out of his comfortable hole.

"But Sonic-" His voice broke.

Sonic wasn't in the mood to listen, though. Once he succeeded in pulling Tails outside of his burrow, he set Tails-who was shockingly light-on his back and told him to hold on. Tails knew he would lose if he tried to resist, so he didn't. He held on tightly for the split second it took for Sonic to run back to Vanilla's house.

Cream's mother was surprised to see Tails in such a state when she opened her front door, but she wasn't surpised that Sonic was the one who'd found him.

"Cream, go get a hot bath running," Vanilla called to her daughter as she opened the door for the two friends to enter. "Set him down here, Sonic, and please get him a glass of water from the kitchen…" Everything became a blur for Tails. He didn't speak, but Vanilla was patient enough to accept this. As Vanilla fussed over him and instructed Cream to find their friends-who'd apparently been searching for him too-Sonic was hovering on the edge of Tails' awareness all the while: quiet, concerned, pensive. Even when Tails was sitting in a tub turning the bathwater grey as Vanilla gently scrubbed his fur clean, Tails couldn't say a word. He was numb for now. For now, he could hold back the overwhelming sorrow responsible for his current state.

Later, after Tails had, at Vanilla's instruction, drunk more water and nibbled on some dry toast, Vanilla had tucked Tails into a spare bed so he could rest, and Sonic was still there, sitting in the corner of the dim room and watching the yellow fox fall asleep.

On earth, Sonic was hailed as a hero, so how could he ever forgive himself if he failed to save the life of his best friend? Tails was alive for now, whether he wanted to be or not, because his friends cared about him, and they'd never _stop_ caring about him. But Sonic was afraid that Tails might do something more extreme next time, and that was a risk he wasn't willing to take.

* * *

Tails opened his eyes to darkness, but it was a different kind of darkness than his den in the woods. Moon- and starlight trickled in through the window, and Tails remembered where he was. Vanilla and Cream's house.

His mouth and throat were dry, so he tried to sit up, but the action made him dizzy. He clutched at his head and closed his eyes, whimpering a little as nausea swept over him in receding waves. A hand on his shoulder startled him, but he sighed with relief when he saw familiar green eyes glowing in the darkness.

"Oh, Sonic, it's you." His voice was still raspy and weak, but it was still stronger than it had been that afternoon.

Sonic smoothly sat on the edge of Tails' bed and handed him the glass of water from the nightstand. Tails murmured his thanks and took a sip, Sonic's presence starting to make him feel anxious.

"Sonic, about today… I just want to say that I'm sorry."

 _I'm sorry you had to see that._

 _I'm sorry I was found._

 _I'm sorry to have caused so much trouble for all of you._

 _I'm sorry that I've always b_ een such a burden.

Sonic didn't speak at first, which only made Tails more nervous. He lifted a gloved hand, tousled Tails' bangs affectionately, and leaned in closer.

"I know that you love Cosmo, and I know that you want to join her." His calm tone only made Tails more distraught upon hearing these words. "But there are too many people who still want you around, who'd miss you if you left us. So don't do anything like that again, okay?"

"Okay." A tear escaped Tails' eye, but he was smiling a little too. It wasn't a promise, and it didn't make everything suddenly perfect, but it was a start.

It was a start.


End file.
